the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
