They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
