the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
