Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
