She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize