she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
