Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
