pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
