toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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