I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
