He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
