Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
