Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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