Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Im part way to drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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