His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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