Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
