Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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