woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
