listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize