My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
