Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
