9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
