Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it glows. i had to have it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize