Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
