Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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