Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
