the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
