The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
