Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
