This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
