Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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