remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
