and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
