a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
3pm strippers are depressing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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