Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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