I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
