do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
