Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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