I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
