Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
