i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
