Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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