I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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