Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
