I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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