Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
