So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
