i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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