Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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