he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he quoted the bible to break up with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
