I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
