That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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