nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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