So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
