I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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