I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
