Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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