I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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