I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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