they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
