Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
