its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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