life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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