So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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