Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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