How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
