Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
