So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
